READING TIME: 8 MIN.
I recently ran into a long-lost acquaintance from elementary school, whom I hadn’t seen in 20 years. Her second question after we asked each other “How are you?” was:
– So… Are you married?
I obviously replied with the truth “No, I´m not”. And she made this weird face, opening her eyes slightly and twitching her lips slightly to the side. It was like the type of face someone would make when they hear someone fart in church.
It seemed like she felt shocked or sorry for my response and didn’t see it coming. I wanted to tell her “It’s fine, you don´t have to feel sorry for me, my goal in life is not to get married and have children” But then I thought “By the look on her eyes she would never understand.”
I came home and scrolled on Facebook a bit, only to notice posts about single friends in their late 20s or early 30s saying:
– OMG why is everyone getting married and I´m single! Why GOD WHY???!!!!
Of course it is important to make a remark on the fact that I live in Mexico, actually even worst, in Guadalajara Mexico.
A very conservative part of the country where women are taught from an early age that getting married and having children are the most important things in life. So that´s why I´m not surprised by my acquaintance’s reaction, nor by other friend’s posts.
But here is the thing why it is great to be single in your 30s, late 20s or at any age.
1- You’ve had more time to discover yourself
This might sound cliché but is true. I am not the same person I was in my early 20s and if I would have chosen a husband at that age is very likely I´d be divorced by now because we wouldn’t be compatible today.
I would have chosen someone I needed instead of someone I wanted. Yes! With life experience I also came to realize how I´d been looking for all the wrong things. I’m glad I´ve waited because it gives me the opportunity to marry the man of my dreams instead of the man of my whims.
2- You have a clearer idea of what you want
At 22 I thought I wanted to be a rich housewife with a rich husband that economically supports me. Today I realize how stupid I was and the pain and sorrow I saved that poor rich motherfucker and myself.
Hey, I´m not saying it wouldn’t be nice to live in a nice house by the beach, but I also know that there is more to life than choosing a man because he´s good on paper. I know I want someone I can be myself with, someone I don´t need to keep secrets from and someone I can laugh with, among other more meaningful things.
3- You´ve had more time and freedom to travel.
One thing is to go on vacation and another one is to travel. When you´re married you go on vacation, when you´re single you travel. You have the freedom to leave when you want to where ever you want, there´s no itinerary and if you don´t want to come back, that’s okay, you have no one to come back too.
From all the amazing travelers I met, only two were married, and to each other. Most of them were single and they chose where they went and how they went. They didn’t had to ask for anyone’s approval, opinion nor adapt to someone else´s time table. They were and are the masters of their own lives, so as Shakespeare would say, they can “take the current while it serves”, and never lose the ventures before them.
4- You´ve had more time to focus on your career
Okay so this doesn’t exactly apply to me because I was too busy traveling and exploring the world but I know many extremely prosperous single ladies that are fabulous at their jobs and have developed very successful careers. And yes, in part is because they don´t have a husband breathing down their neck for attention.
When you don’t have a husband that consumes a lot of your time, you have more of it to spend in your career, it is all about the “opportunity cost”, as economists would put it
I´m not saying that if you stay single you will be economically successful, hey! Look at me. But I´m not the norm and yes it does give you more time and freedom to explore several opportunities that would become harder to explore when you have a commitment to another person, especially when you start popping babies.
5- Exploring other men is not always a bad idea.
CAUTION! I´m not saying go out and be promiscuous. I´m saying it is smart to try other alternatives. When you buy a car you kind of want to know what else is on the market. A Mercedes can seem a fantastic idea, is luxurious, German, fast, sexy but the parts are very expensive, is very high maintenance and in a few years is going to be worth one tenth of what you paid for.
Maybe a Nissan can seem not as a luxurious alternative but the parts are going to be cheaper and is a faithful car that can last you a long time. However, you might be more adventurous and would prefer a Jeep but you should know they don´t run much with one tank.
Hey! You should explore the market! Is an important decision.
6- Experimenting independence is beautiful
Traveling alone, renting or buying your own house, paying your own bills, coming home to a place you built. Living life as a single lady can be liberating by knowing that you don´t depend on anyone except yourself and you will forever be your own best friend, no husband will ever take that place.
Getting married young can steal away this type of amazing experiences. Making it for yourself before you make it with someone else.
7- If you choose well, you´ll be married your whole life, what difference does 10+ years make?
What’s the rush? Who said that you´re suppose to find your soul mate at twenty-two. Who said that you´re supposed to get married in your twenties? You want to know whom? Society, because women have done it for thousands of years, actually we´re lucky that the “normal” age now is in our twenties because not too long ago was in our teens.
There is no limit to the age when you´ll find “The One” and if you choose wisely and with patience then you´ll have a beautiful marriage that will last a lifetime.
One year after you´re married you wont want to have sex every single night nor will you want him to cuddle every so lasting night. So, why rush into it, you have your whole life to say you have a headache.
8- Your parents!
This is the one I feel the proudest of not getting married young. When my father died I felt bad for being the one who spent less time with him –I´m the youngest one of my sisters. When I told my sisters this, my oldest sister said “No, I was the one that spent less time with him” she got married at 21 and moved in with her husband across the border.
According to the cycle of life you´ll spend more time with you husband than with your parents. Because you´ll move in with your husband and visit your parents. The amount of time will never compare one with the other.
Enjoy spending time with your parents because the day their gone you´ll feel grateful you got to hangout around them longer, enjoy the blissful Saturday morning breakfasts and enjoy more lasting moments of their wise advice.
9- More peaceful nights
The only thing better than sleeping alone, its sleeping with your loving dog –in its own bed of course. Dealing with a husband also means dealing with his sleeping tricks, snoring, farting, moving, sleep talking…
But when you´re single every night is a trip to Neverland only your own breathing in the room and you can fart all you want without feeling guilty for the smell.
10- Your entire paycheck is for yourself
Your salary is yours to spend. You don´t have to share it with anyone, well… it would be nice to give some to charity. If you´re married well then you got to buy a new toaster or maybe pitch in for the repairs on the house or whatever married people spend their money on, well of course if there are kids involved, those little fuckers small earthly creatures are money sucking machines.
Bottom line, you do not have to go through a “joint budget council” every time you want to take out a few dollars to buy a new dress.
11- Decision making
When you´re married is all about sharing, so you have to make decisions taking the other´s opinion and point of view. There´s no more I now is US.
When you´re single you can buy the milk you like, go on vacation or travel to wherever you want, order take out from where you want, choose to live where you want. You got a job promotion and you´ve been sent to Australia? Sure, when do you leave.
Every decision is made by what YOU want.
12- You don’t have to go to annoying family parties and Christmas is yours
The obliged family gatherings can be overwhelming and time-consuming at some point, now multiply these social events by two…
It´s Christmas and you have to spend it with HIS family!! Because they´re your family now. Well… NOOOOOOOO!!! Not for you, you get to spend Christmas with whomever you wish. Christmas is about spending it with the people you love, not with the people you´re forced to spend it with.
13- Zero possibilities of becoming divorced or a widow
These are two boxes you don´t have to worry about ticking in formularies – at least not at the moment. When there´s no husband there´s no possibility of a divorce and when there is no husband, there is one less person, in this 7 billion people world, you have to worry about dying.
Trust me, being a widow is nothing pretty. My mother keeps remembering of the lifetime she shared with my father and my father is now a pile of ashes in a wooden box sitting on the table of our terrace.
Think about it this way, you don´t have to suffer the agonizing heartache of losing your husband -at least not now that you´re single.
Oh yeah! And you don´t have to worry about dealing with the nightmare of a divorce!!
Lawyers, pre-nups, splitting up assets and custody of the kids or dogs, anger… the list can go on.
This has to be the best one!!
When you´re single everything is an adventure, paying your own rent, paying you’re your vacations, climbing at the top of a mountain, you can do whatever you want and you don’t have to explain yourself to NO-ONE. Because you my friend are FREE.
Maybe you´ve messed up a lot in your life but messing you marriage or your choice of the significant other, has not been of your doing.
As, coming back to the famous quote:
“There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves, Or lose the ventures before us”…
And wrapping up after that delicious Shakespearian paragraph, as the cherry on top, finishing up with an extract from one of William Henley’s poem:
“ I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul…. I am the master of my faith: I am the captain of my soul¨.
NOW, GO OFF CAPTAIN AND SAIL FREE INTO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF BEING A SINGLE LADY AND IF YOU HAVE SPARE CASH TO SPEND, INVITE ME TO A TRIP (I´m awesome company).
Ooor at least share this post so I can pay for my trip.
Enoch Kim Photography -Cover Photo. If you wish to see more of his amazing work visit his website here.
Eduardo Briseño Photography. If you wish to see more of his amazing work visit his website here.