I am a brutally honest person. However, I still find myself lying against my will, but sometimes it’s necessary. Why? Because people can’t handle the truth or they don’t really want it.

Those close to me handle the truth because I’ve been saying it since I started talking, they don’t take it personal. But I learned the wrong way that not everyone takes my honesty politely and so I’ve learned to lie.

These are the ones I say more often and that I hate saying. I’m pretty sure you tell them as well.

1. How are you?

When I’m not fine I hate saying fine. I can feel the stupid lie crawling through my chest wanting to spill out of my mouth. If I’m not fine I want to be able to say it. But I also know we live in a world where it is considered courtesy to ask: How are you? When in reality you don’t really give a fuck about how I am.

A guy from the bank once called my house and asked, “How are you?” I said the truth, “how am I? I’m doing like shit, because of this and that and bla bla bla.”

He hung up.

2. Are you mad?

That simple question can push me over the edge, if you’re asking you know I am, but you want me to say “no” just so I wont start venting.

If I say yes I know a war will explode and so I lie. Because there are wars that are better not fighting. However I hate lying, but people can’t really handle when they fuck up or when you’re just not in a good mood and so sometimes is necessary to keep peace around and “diplomacy” which is synonymous of hypocrisy is necessary.

3. Do I look fat?

When you do, I want to say “yes.” But I know that if I say that you’re going to get mad and I’m going to hurt your feelings, which I don’t want to do. However you know that you need to exercise and eat better. I’m sure you know this already and me telling you is not going to make you do it.

You are asking me if you look fat when you already know you do, but you want to lie to yourself and you want me to lie to you because for a split second you’ll think you don’t and because if for a split second I can make you feel better about yourself then the lie would have been worth it.

4. Laughing at stupid jokes

When I don’t find it funny I don’t want to laugh, specially about anecdotes that are truly not funny or amusing to anyone outside the situation, I actually hate fake laughing, the weird laugh coming out of my mouth while my eyes are shouting STUPIDITY!!!.

Like when you’re telling me something your kid said. I don’t care, your kid is cute but I couldn’t care less if he said tatty instead of daddy. I don’t find it funny, you do because it’s your kid and everything it does you think is marvelous. News flash. Not everyone cares and that’s ok you’re it’s mother/father/grandparent/aunt, you’re the one that has unconditional love for it, not the world.

I hate my fake laugh, but why do I do it? Because if the person saying it finds it funny is because she/he cares and as form of showing my appreciation I fake laugh over their stupid jokes or anecdotes when in reality I want to stay silent and say “I’m sorry I don’t find it funny.” But can you imagine what this would bring upon myself. Probably a series of insults like “well… of course, that’s because you’re bitter” or “wow you’re mean.”

Yes. A lot of people mistake the truth for being ‘mean’ which is why people like myself find themselves lying against their will.

5. How many cigarettes do you smoke?

You know I smoke a lot. If I tell you the truth you’re going to lecture me about it and is going to do nothing in my desire to cut down and you’re just going to get me in a bad mood which is going to make me smoke more.

I know I have to quit smoking, I know it, I want to. But you telling me cigarettes are bad for me it’s not going to make me quit.

And so I lie and I say a number lower to the truth because I know is going to get people off my back and is going to keep me relax and so I wont have to smoke another cigarettes after an unnecessary discussion.

If people were better at the taking the truth it be easier to say it.

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