MIND

How I Overcame Depression And I Know I’ll Never Go Back There

Written by: Jana Tosic

 

I will not write about depression from the perspective of science, but from personal experience. Because I think that you can learn many things when you’re talking from personal experience. How you have overcome it, healed sincerely and in a more convincing manner than if you heard about depression from scientists, statistics, psychologists, and doctors.

For example, statistics show that today 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. Does it really matter how many people are depressed? No, what is more important is why are there so many depressed people, the causes of it and how to cure it.

The causes of depression are different for everyone. Mine was due to psychological abuse by peers in elementary school, sensitivity to other people’s criticism and overprotection by parents. Nevertheless, the symptoms are generally the same in every depressed person:

– Inferiority complexes;

– Withdrawal;

– Feelings of worthlessness and loneliness;

– Low self-esteem;

– Thinking about suicide;

– Antisocial;

– Dark thoughts;

– The need for a long sleep or insomnia;

– Indifference to the world around you;

– Distrust in people;

– Self-hatred;

– Apathy…

Do you feel these symptoms, then does that mean that  you are depressed?

Is there a cure? Of course, but not always in the form of a pill. Which can be just an attempt to push the cause of depression. The cure is within you. You started it all from the inside, but you can also cure it. How? By loving yourself, accepting yourself completely, and admitting to yourself that you need help. To admit that you are feeling depressed. This is the beginning of recovery.

By running away from your state of depression, not accepting it, and resisting help from those who want to help you, you resist the reality that is present in your life. Which makes it a lot harder for you to get better, you delude yourself by believing that everything is okay but when it is not. This makes you fall deeper into the abyss.

I did not go to a psychologist because it wasn’t the type of treatment that was suitable for me. I did not used pills; I did not talk to anybody about my depression, for me it was a sore subject. I did not want to admit to myself that I had a problem because I was afraid of the reaction of others, I was afraid of myself and my dark thoughts, but I did not dare to change them. As if I surrendered and gave up the fight believing that I wasn`t born for the better and that I belong there, in that despair.

Depression is a mental illness and as such it indicates that it should be treated.  Because it has been neglected, suffocated with our ego, when we awake dormant love in us, we can heal our soul. Something that not even one pill can fully cure, just love, support and willingness.

So if you’re not depressed but someone dear to you is, help them in this way. Do not push him/her away, stay with him/her, perhaps you`ll be a candle that will illuminate the path of their change. Perhaps they will push you away from themselves, which is called the non-recognition of the current situation, but be persistent.

No-one’s place is in the depression in the throes of mental pain. A soul hurts because we don`t listen to it, the noise in our head is so loud that makes our ego hurt, that`s why we cannot hear what the soul says. Depression is the culmination of accumulated negativity over a long period of time, it`s a comfort zone, a home for the weak. Are you weak?

See once again your present way of life. Are you living that life out of love or fear, are you acting with yourself (and others) out of love or fear, do you make decisions and choices out of love or fear? If your answer is – out of fear, you are too weak to come to grips with life and with current situation, until you by yourself do not change something in your stale habits. Anyone who is depressed, living life like a dead man, mechanically performs each action and curses the day he/she was born.

My way of deliverance from depression is not the same for everyone but it can be an incentive to people as to how to help themselves or to help someone who is depressed.

Writing became my great love and the first cure that I found in those moments of agony. Notebook and pencil were then my only friends, I was writing for hours and I would not get tired, and I always felt better after that. However, it didn`t completely cured me.

After reading a couple of articles on the Internet about self-realization and a few self-help books, I realized where I’m wrong and what needs to be fixed, that nothing from the outside can bring benefit to me as I can to myself. Therefore, the solution is in me.

I have embraced the injured child in me who is afraid of getting hurt again, to love him and to love myself with all the faults and virtues, physically and psychologically, to accept that I need help and admit that I’m not well.

The child in me remembers the days when he was hurt, teased, rejected by others, tensions in the home, feeling guilt and rejection. The child in me felt misunderstood, he is scared. He blames himself for everything bad that happened. He did not receive the love and the safety of others when he was most needed, now is suffering, thinking that he does not deserve love, that the whole world is an unsafe place to live, preferring to retreat. Hence the resulting loneliness that accompanies depression.

There are guided meditations to connect with the injured child in us; there is a method where you are looking at the picture from the period when the resulting uncertainty, and conducting conversations with a child on that picture, or writing letters from the perspective of a child who has strayed into the world of adults. Whichever method applied to cure, the most important is that you feel like a kid again, loved and safe. I cried for re-passing through the same in the memory of the events that have hurt the child in me, and I`ve healed him. That child feels each time when someone, something hurt us, and returns repressed emotions from the past. Until you heal these wounds.

I worked a method of writing letters – I, as a child injured, write how I feel and that I am sad because nobody hears me, this letter was sent to adult me; I was cleaning myself emotionally and immediately felt the love, promising to the little girl in me, that she would be better and that, I will from now on, listen and watch what she has to say.

So I admitted to myself that it`s not who I am, me depressed. I admitted that I was depressed and accepted that depression as a long-term neglect of the injured child I`ve created and is now up to me to change something.

I began from unhealthy habits that led me into madness, each day a little progress towards positive habits, with decisive action, short-changing environment also contributed to the internal change; new people began to enter into my life. There are no specific steps, only a clear decision and discipline, and when you have the will to get out of the crisis, then everything else comes easy.

In that year, when the changes were obvious, I met my current husband, and also the first love of my life. It happened when I stopped looking for a man who would love me.

Beautiful things begin to happen when you start to feel beautiful inside. I found it very difficult to get over the negative beliefs that for years I had heard from others about myself, which were embedded in my subconscious. Now, I love my uniqueness, physical and mental imperfections, my sensitivity and my thin physical structure…

When you begin to nurture and take care of your appearance and mindset, then nothing can stand in the way of your change. You go straight ahead and there is no turning back.

You begin to enjoy all that you have not noticed until then, you begin to see life as a beautiful and valuable, because it was so small, so insignificant just like you were to yourself. Gratitude shows us what we have and we need to appreciate it because someone does not have that, or we lose it if we do not value.

You should be grateful in particular for the bad moments, because they give you the knowledge and experience that will last as long as you exist, which will be useful for your future ventures. Thanks to good people in your life, and especially those people who have hurt you, say:

“Thank you for giving me your insults, it reminded me that I should love myself, and I turned your mockery into self-love”;

“Thanks to the depression because it has prepared me for the present and future life and focus my emotions on the right track of healing“, you should know that if there were no negative events in life, you`d never experienced life fully, discover who you are and why you are born.

I never thought I’d be grateful, and that I will forgive the people who caused me emotional pain, this was the most difficult for me to do. Because I was so attached to these feelings and I never took the responsibility for myself. I know that my reactions and expectations of others led me to blame them for my depression and suffering. They all, in fact, came at the right time to remind me who I am and return me to my true self.

I used to wandering life like a ghost, my only desire then was – to die, now I dare to fly on the wings of imagination again like when I was a child, careless and with faith in my heart that God keeps me and gives gifts that will serve me.

And I thought I would never recover, I could not imagine myself as a positive person, a person who loves and is loved, that has dreams and these dreams realized, I did not believe I could. And now I have reached a point in my life when I can say for sure that in this situation I will never return. With this knowledge I have now, and love around me, and inside me, dreams that I want to accomplish, daily work on myself, I know that nothing can no longer shake and make me be depressed again.

2 comments

  • Thank you Jana, I’m in the early stages of creating & executing a life plan. I really related to your process and will be reading over & over. I’m so glad I found your website & can use your ideas & experience. To give love where suffering has taken root and contribute. Thank you, I really appreciate you writing, effort & love. Braeden in Sydney

  • Hi Braeden.

    I`m so glad to know that my article was helpful for you and that you found your way to healing. I`m sending you a lot of love and positive energy!

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