Let Go of the Illusion of Control

losing control

Humans are masters when it comes to planning. We not only plan our own lives but can also become masters at planning other people´s lives. Thinking that we posses the power to predict how things will turn out if only we plan for them.

We plan vacations, work-life, personal life and think that if only we stick to the route we´ve traced we can hit the destination we aim for. We plan with the intention to control our lives.

If only life could be so easy.

Maybe I´m not the first person to tell you this, maybe you´ve noticed it yourself and maybe, just maybe, I am the first person to tell you that you have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE.

I´m sorry. I don´t say this to make you feel horrible. But to let you know that it´s ok if your life hasn’t gone to plan, it´s not your fault. At least not entirely your fault.

You never had control and you never will.

This is one of the biggest illusions in the human perception of life, that we can control it. We are taught at a young age that should plan for our future if we want to achieve big dreams and goals. But if you´ve been in this journey called life long enough, you´ve probably realized that plans rarely go to plan and mostly because of external factors that are out of our control.

There are always external factors that are out of your control and that play a huge role in your life, the course this one will take and even your destiny. Every minute that passes by, every single day that you live, you are under the control of something bigger than yourself that you don´t control. Something that controls your life.

My mother had planned a lovely vacation a few years ago with my father, my sisters and myself. A few days later, after she had booked the hotel and the flights he died in an accident.This event not changed our vacation but an infinite amount of aspects in our lives.

I had planned to marry my long-time boyfriend next year in a small ceremony by the beach, then suddenly out of nowhere he broke up with me.

I have planned many things in my life that didn´t happen and some that will never happen, like having my father at my wedding day. And I can tell you this, a majority of things that happened in my life and others that haven´t happened are out of my control.

You can plan next week, what you´re going to do and who you´re going to see. These plans might come to term. Nevertheless, they might not. You might win the lottery and decide to leave, or you can have a car accident tomorrow and die.

Good things and bad things can happen any moment and many of these are out of your control. To truly perceive to our own selves how little control we hold over our lives can leave us in a vulnerable state. Because the simple fact that we can´t control our death tells us that we can´t control our lives.

It can be scary to realize how little control we have over our lives. It´s terrifying because we lose power and as human beings we want to have power because it fuels our ego.

Motivational books keep saying that you control your life. I´m no Anthony Robbins, but I am (or at least I´m trying to be) a humble person who acknowledges that there are a lot of events that happen to you or me that we can´t control and that have a significant power over our lives.

However, not all is lost. There is ONE thing you can control and that is your thoughts. Life will happen to you, the good, the bad and the ordinary. Many of these events will forever change the course of your life and turn it into something different, sometimes better and sometime worst. Most of these happenings you won´t be able to control, but you can control how you react to them, how you think about them and how you feel about them.

That is the biggest control you will ever have upon your life, so use it wisely.

This doesn’t mean you should never make a plan, but just be ready to change it for the unexpected.  Because trust me, the unexpected can and will happen somewhere in your life and you need to be humble enough to acknowledge and accept that is out of your control.

One last note, you can actually control whether to share this post or not. So it be nice if you did.

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