MIND

WHAT A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP CAN TEACH

Long distances relationships are nothing extraordinary in today’s times. How I ended up in one? I guess it was just… life.

I was in a long distance relationship for 552 days. That’s one year, six months and 5 days. And I am extremely happy that the wait has finally ended.

We said goodbye outside his house, we didn’t know when or if we would see each other again. He was 19 and I was 28 — Yes!!! I’m a cougar.

Everyone around us said to take it as a summer romance, that it would never work and that we would never see each other again, that if we did it would be in a really long time. They were right, it would be in a really long time.

He hugged me strongly in his arms and said, “You will never age for me nor fade. I love you and I will love you forever.” I cried, he cried and I walked away, looking back, staring at him standing outside his porch, barefoot, with his arms hanging next to his body, completely motionless.

I couldn’t stay and he knew that. There was nothing that could be done, I had to leave the country.

The next time I saw him it was through a screen. I was 11 thousand kilometers away, an ocean apart, and there was the man I once held in my arms who was now just zeros, ones and bytes.

Today my long distance relationship ended and I am extremely happy for that.

Why?

Because he’s finally by my side.

It wasn’t easy but we held on, even when the world around us came crushing down we held on, we drifted away, but we drifted together. And now I have only hours to wait, after waiting for over a year.

However, this experience left its teachings.

  1. Love comes in the most unimaginable ways.

I was working as a bartender while traveling and he was also working there. I was passing through and he lived there, in the small and remote town.

He was 19 years old and I was 28. My parents paid for my bills and he paid for his.

I was dating a French businessman I had met while living in France and we were in a long distance relationship. He was handsome, rich and attentive but he was an ass hole.

And Matt consoled me every time the French misbehaved. We were good friends.

Until one-day Matt’s best friend died in a car accident. I took him to the beach, just him and I to let our minds drift away.

But they drifted together along with our hearts.

I dumped the French and realized how I had been looking for all the wrong things. Matt showed me what he was worth and it wasn’t a price money could buy; By looking at myself through his eyes he starved all the insecurities away from my being and showed me a world I had never explored and a  wealth I had never known.

  1. Patience always has a way to indulge those who wait.

We didn’t have much time together before we said goodbye.

We didn’t really know when or if we would see each other again, so we waited. At the beginning it was only for 6 months but then my father died and I also lost my wealth. My life became a Greek tragedy and with no money it made it a lot harder to afford a two thousand dollar flight.

So we worked, harder. We waited, longer. Six months became one year, we let go of time and remained through a screen and one year became one and a half.

We waited because we knew that we were waiting for something extraordinary, something that was worth the wait and he’s been worth every second of every minute of every day that’s gone by.

  1. Mindgasms truly blow your mind away.

Of course, by having only a screen to interact with each other all we could do was talk, and talking became our sole activity. I couldn’t even hold his hand.

So we talked and we would have mind-blowing conversations; about the universe, God, psychology, sociology, dogs, cats, cars, people, mountains, Nietzsche, cigarettes, T.V.

We laughed, we cried, we screamed and we fought. But OMG the mindgasms!

We have similar tastes so we would enjoy our multiple conversations that would drive our minds away from our countries and bring them together to one subject.

Our bodies were apart but our minds were always together.

We came to realize that there’s more to a relationship than orgasms and physical contact, even with an ocean between us he touched my soul.

  1. Forget about the pain and keep moving

At the beginning when we realized our relationship had turned into a screen it hurt, A LOT. But neither one of us wanted to give up.

We struggled, there were countless tears, but we had two options. Give up on something we truly wanted or keep fighting for it. Sometimes you have to forget about the pain and keep going, because when you see the results the pain is gone.

We both had to work really hard to get ourselves to a better place; mentally, spiritually, emotionally and economically.

We only have like… one twentieth — if not less, of the journey. But we’re still working in getting better and at least we get to dry each other’s tears and smile with each other during the process.

  1. Believe

The power of believing is priceless. It requires an intense concentration of believing in something to make it happen.

I have to hand it to him; when I had lost all hope he helped me believe again. He was the one that had to pull 16 hour shifts to get to me. When I asked him “How do you do it?” He replied, “Because I believe in you and I believe in us.”

And so I believed.

  1. Creativity is magic.

We didn’t get to go out to dinner and a movie, celebrate birthdays together, Christmas, sex, hugs. So we got creative.

He would write me beautiful songs on his guitar and I wrote him – what I hope are – beautiful poems.

When we fought I would write him shitty songs on my ukulele – that he loved, and he would sing to me – horribly- but I loved it.

He would some times record me a message so I could hear it over and over again and I would record videos that he could see over and over again.

The little things became the big things.

  1. Don’t listen to anyone except your heart

Everyone will always have an opinion; don’t listen to them. You’re the only one that knows what you’re facing and if it’s worth it.

I got tired of listening to all the opinions around me, our age difference, our different nationality, our different social circles, the distance, etc.

Everyone had an opinion and 90% of those opinions were announcing a failed relationship.

Have we won? Yes and no. I don’t think you can ever think you’ve won, that would be taking someone for granted and that’s a foolish thing to do. However, I do think we’ve won one battle, just not the war.

  1. Time is priceless

We didn’t have much time before I left, we knew every second counted so we made the best of the little time that we had. When we fought we didn’t stay mad for long, we didn’t want to waste time being angry over anything, We swallowed our pride many times so we could be happy.

Today I realize that was the best thing we could have done.

We don’t have much time before he leaves, so we know we have to make the best of what we have. Because he’ll be gone one day and he’ll become zeros, ones and bytes again.

But in the meantime I get to touch his hair again, hold his hand, wrap my arms around him and whisper to his ear “I love you.”

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